I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
