Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
