Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
