I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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