pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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