Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
