Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
