I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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