I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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