mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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