His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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