FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
