You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My bed smells like the plague
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
