my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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