real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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