Screwed.edu
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
