Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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