this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
