I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
