i just sent this text using only my big toe
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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