you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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