i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
