And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
