my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
