we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
