dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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