I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
