I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
