i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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