So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
