Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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