He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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