you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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