Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
