I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
