4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
