OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
