Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
