Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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