My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize