shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
