Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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