Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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