I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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