Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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