you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
