the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
