Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
