We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
