how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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