You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
