I'm gonna have a badass scar
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize