I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
