i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
