take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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