If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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