Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
