I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
