I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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