While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
