He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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