drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
