you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
