im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
