it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
