i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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