giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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