ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
