Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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