i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
