Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
