I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
