You can't motorboat a personality
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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