Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
