I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
