Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
