I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
