so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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