I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
