one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
