So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
