Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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