Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
