I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
