I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
