When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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