That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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