Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
