.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
