You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
