so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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