I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I AM VODKA MAN
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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