me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
