its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize