Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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