oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
