Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
