Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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