I am spending my child support on dildos
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
