every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
