Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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