Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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