After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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