bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize