His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
