I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
