Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
