you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize