just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
